“Slytherin Head Girl” (n f) – is NOT shy. She’s my mask, my weapon, my flirtatious other-self. She’s loud, bossy, she shouts a lot, she drinks too much coffee, she flirts with the wrong people and, aiming to misbehave, she gets herself into trouble. She goes out with inapropriate boys, wears too much make-up, dresses up and shows off. She entertains, she holds court. She gets drunk and dances til she has an asthma attack. She flashes her breasts and goes on TV. She takes risks, she spends her money before it’s earned, she’s gregarious. She will draw you in and make you forget the real world. She is the peacock. She struts. She’s gorgeous, and she knows it. She starves and she is always hungry for human contact. She rolls cigarettes and flicks ash on your shoes, she bites your neck and your ears and tickles til you beg for mercy. She’ll cut you a line, and pour you a drink and take two of each for herself. She kisses passionately, she gives the best head you’ll ever get, she laughs too much and she never says sorry. She’ll make you lie to your friends, she sends filthy text-messages, she’s righteously angry and she’ll outrageously defend anyone she cares about. She’s your interesting admirer. She falls in lust and she falls hard, she forgets and then thinks she’s in love. She gets bruises on her knees, she downs tequila, absinthe, ritalin. She copes with the stuff I can’t. She is the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser, just to make you jealous of the men she fucked before you met her. She’s the girl that your mother warned you about, the one that your boyfriend lusts over, the drama queen with a repertoire that puts any of you to shame. She’s the little girl who makes you want to wrap her up in cotton wool and take her home and look after her…

I’m the Ska-Punk Girl, the non-Gothic Goffick, the interesting girl with the interesting clothes, the huge eyes, the cheeky smile and foul mouth, and you want to get to know me – if you do, you will get to see the other side of me, which only the special people do…I am all this, and so much, much more…I wish I lived in a Tim Burton movie…Mummy told me not to talk to strangers, but she never told me not to kiss them…

I welcome strangers, drifters, dreamers, honest and open discussion, people who won’t let the magic die, but I will not tolerate fucktards who cannot spell or punctuate their messages, bullshit or jealousy. I can’t help the way I was put together, I’m learning to live with it and, eventually, love it.

Once, I wanted to be a Suicide Girl…and I think that I still do!

Here endeth the lesson.